A year ago God told me that I needed to take a break from dating and that I was going to spend a year absent of any romantic relationship. I said yes. The basic parameters of that meant no girlfriend or casual dating or “talking” or hooking up or whatever else our culture has deemed normal in the pursuit of a mate. This came into fruition after being out of a relationship for seven months and a handful of train wreck dates throughout those seven months. My understanding was that this was a time to take a serious break and kind of “reboot,” if you will.

That was… difficult. I would basically go for three weeks at a time thinking “this is great! I love Jesus! Did you know that switching to not having a bae could save you 15% or more on your credit card?” to three weeks of “Jesus. I’m 20 years old. What are you doing? There have been 4 engagement posts on Facebook…since noon today. I am not Paul. I don’t care about saving money “as long as you love me,” right Bieber?” That cycle lasted for probably the first six months of this experience, but then the drastic switch would happen much more often, going back and forth every week.

Well as October approached, I started feeling pretty good. Feeling like, “Well done Camilo you good and faithful servant! God, it’s been tough but I’m glad I did it. I’m going to go ahead and scope out some prospects for you since we’ll be wrapping this up here shortly. You know, I just want to be prepared.” You can imagine my shock and dismay when I heard back. “Camilo, this year has been a joke to you.” Excuse me?!? Do you know how hard it has been? I haven’t gone on one date! I’m a relational person and my love language is physical touch! How has it been a joke?

Then His response dropped like an anvil in a Looney Tunes cartoon: “All you’ve done is stay away from girls (for the most part, you failed and flirted here and there and on about 4 or 5 different occasions you actually kissed a girl. But that’s not the issue. When you committed to this I saw all those failings beforehand and called you anyways and will use you anyway. (see Peter for more instances of this radical grace.)) But I didn’t ask you to do this just for the sake of doing this. It’s not like girls have Ebola and I’m trying to protect you from it. I wasn’t testing you. I called you to this so that I could grow you and you with me. Neither of which have really happened.” That shut me up pretty quick. Not much to say back to the Holy Spirit after he delivers a cosmic slap in the face like that.

“I want to grow you” – I used parts of this year to try to grow and mature myself. But I’m not the Advocate, I’m not the Counselor. I’m not the Helper. Let’s say I’m a plant. (That was a weird sentence to type out but flow with me for a second.) If I’m a plant, what does that make God? The soil? The rain? Carbon dioxide? The sun? The Gardner? Answer: all of the above. He is the soil because He is the one who keeps me steady and firm, not my devotion to Him. He is the one who nurtures and supplies me with the nutrients of His will and mercy, not me going to church or listening to podcasts at work. He is the rain in that, without His showers of grace, I’m a goner and not only will I not grow, I’ll dry up. He is carbon dioxide, exposing me to my own wickedness – not through the lies of condemnation, but through the sweetness of conviction – and choosing to use me anyway. He’s the sunshine because as His Son shines on me it stimulates photosynthesis within me creating oxygen aka the fruits of His Spirit to pour out of me. And He is the Gardner, watching over me and cheering on my growth. Not chastising me when one of my leaves falls off, but seeing to it that the promise of Philippians 1:6 is true even of me.

I was trying to do all of this on my own and grow myself into the oak tree of a man that I thought He wanted me to be. The truth of the matter is “Unless the LORD builds the house (grows the plant), the builders (I) labor in vain.”

“I want you to grow with me.” – I wanted to grow for Him. I discovered a song by Worth Dying for a few weeks ago called “Risen From The Grave” thanks to Pandora. I immediately fell in love with the bridge of the song and wanted to tweet it out. It goes like this. “and I’ll dance with you ‘til my knees go weak, and I’ll sing ‘til I can’t sing anymore. And I’ll lift my hands ‘til they fall asleep, just to show you Lord, you’re the one I adore.” Beautiful. But when I typed out the tweet I had subconsciously changed the lyrics and said “and I’ll dance foryou ‘til my knees go weak.” And as I looked at it on my phone before hitting “Tweet” God said “that isn’t just a typo, that’s how deep down you think I work. That’s not who I am. That’s what a cruel slave master or a perverted pimp does… makes you dance until you’re weak from the weight of it all. My yoke is easy and my burden is light. You can dance with me.” I wanted to grow forHim. He wanted me to grow with Him.

And that’s a beautiful reminder, but I honestly think the idea of that scares a lot of us. What is it like to get alone with God? God basically said to me “Ministry is not me. Church is not me. Serving is not me. Sermons and podcasts and worship songs and devotions are not me. I AM WHO I AM. You want some of this? Then understand that all those things are just utensils, son. Talk to me. Learn my voice and let me talk to you. And as I talk to you, you will learn that it doesn’t take any of that other stuff. All it takes is trust.”

And that is not a fun place for a type A guy like me. Someone who likes being in control and plans for months in advance. Someone who knows what age they want to be married and what age they want to have each of their kids, and what their first, middle, and obviously last name will be. But what it really comes down to is this: Do I trust God with my life, including my relationships? I know I want to trust Him, but do I right now? And if the answer is not really, then that probably has more to do with me not growing with God and knowing His heart for me, than it does His trustworthiness.

So how to grow with God? Trust Him a little more today than you did yesterday.Talk to Him a little more today than you did yesterday. Think back on His faithfulness in your past a little more today than you did yesterday. Give yourself a little more time one on one with Him today than you did yesterday. And as you get more comfortable in communing with the Spirit day in and day out, it will get easier for you to trust Him in every area of your life.

And so after spending a few weeks grasping those two concepts, God and I threw out the year-long commitment that would have terminated tomorrow, November 7, 2014. Instead we wrote out some goals in my journal: financial goals, physical goals, social goals, academic goals, and spiritual goals. Goals that are only for He and I to know so that I don’t look to others for validation in meeting them, but seek only the approval of my Father in these areas of my life. When I’ve met all those goals, God and I can have another conversation about my romantic desires, but until then I’m going to allow Him to grow me and allow myself to grow with Him and trust in Matthew 6:33, seeking “first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” The goals aren’t easy or vague and it will probably take years to achieve them, but that’s ok. Time doesn’t scare you when you’re held by the one who’s also holding time. So whether I’m single for another a year or the next ten years (Jesus, please don’t let it be ten years), I know that my Father is good and He works for two things: my good and His glory. And because I know that, I can trust that His sovereignty and grace is sufficient for me.

A couple short videos that help with inspiration in the waiting:

For Guys: http://youtu.be/gjP75b009Wg

For Girls: http://youtu.be/igCj3jsbcqs

But really any gender can learn from either one.